Relationship: Perkahwinan dan Poligami (Part 2)

Sejak bertahun-tahun saya tidak pernah menentang poligami.  Kawan pernah mencebik, "tak kena batang hidung sendiri senang lah cakap!" Ni nak bagitau, kerana saya pernah melaluinya lah saya berani bercakap.  Saya tau kenapa majority wanita menentang poligami.  Mereka lebih sanggup bercerai-berai daripada berkongsi kasih.  Tetapi saya tidak faham kenapa wanita-wanita ini lebih sanggup suami masing-masing terjebak dalam hubungan terlarang daripada membenarkan mereka bernikah dengan wanita lain.  Adakah mereka tahu bahawa tindakan mereka menyebabkan suami terpaksa menipu mereka setiap hari semata2 utk bertemu wanita lain itu?  Dan sesungguhnya kisah isteri muda seorang yang jahat dan perampas suami orang itu hanya lah berlaku dalam drama.  Kita terlalu banyak disogokkan oleh drama dan filem Melayu yang memesongkan.  Hakikatnya, isteri muda itu lah yang sering tersiksa, diabaikan dan dianiaya.

Pada saya, tiada istilah merampas suami orang kerana suami itu bukan hak mutlak kita.  Anak2 juga bukan hak mutlak kita.  Semua itu hanyalah pinjaman dari Allah swt.  Dia memberikan kita suami yang baik dan penyayang.  Dan tentu ada sebab Allah hadirkan wanita lain bagi berkongsi suami kita yang baik dan penyayang itu.  Mungkin wanita lain itu mampu menjadikan suami itu lelaki yang bertambah2 baik dan penyayang.  Setiap kita di muka bumi ini adalah saling melengkapi. 

Pada pemerhatian, pengalaman dan diikutkan logiknya, punca segalanya adalah dari dalam rumahtangga itu sendiri.  Wanita lain itu tidak ada kena mengena pun.  Dia ada hidup dia sendiri.  Sekiranya segalanya sempurna dalam rumahtangga itu, suami atau isteri tidak akan tersasar atau terkeluar dari comfort zone itu untuk mencari cebisan yang kurang atau hilang dalam rumahtangga tersebut.  Maka apabila suami itu mula 'mencari', dia akan bertemu dengan cebisan2 yang kurang, yang dia tak dapat daripada isterinya.  Kenapa? Simply kerana kita semua tidak sempurna.  Isteri yang sangat cantik, terpelajar dan pandai memasak itu masih tetap ada kekurangannya.  Wanita lain yang kurang cantik, kurang terpelajar dan hanya pandai masak telor goreng itu mungkin lebih bijak menjaga hati suami itu.

Kita sebagai wanita selalu cepat rasa selesa apabila sudah lama berumahtangga.  Kita mungkin merasa kita isteri yang ideal.  Tetapi bak kata orang putih, 'you are no longer fun to be with'.  Lelaki mahukan excitement.  Mereka suka bercinta.  Jadi bercinta lah dengan suami kita walaupun selepas 20 tahun berkahwin.  Be naughty.  Be fun.  Be jovial.  Cuba lah dan lihatlah bagaimana suami anda akan jatuh cinta sekali lagi, setiap hari!

Gambar hiasan:  CWR nak kawin dgn ultraman lah! Kalau dia letih lampu dia jadi warna merah.  Kalau manjang je merah, tandanya dia tak mampu nak berpoligami. Eh?

Relationship: Perkahwinan dan Poligami (Part 1)

Menginjak ke hari-hari terakhir Ramadhan ini, saya tergerak untuk menulis topic yang lebih serius.  Topic yang selalu buat saya berfikir dan muhasabah diri.  Perkahwinan atau pernikahan adalah sesuatu yang indah atau sepatutnya indah, manakala poligami adalah mimpi ngeri bagi kebanyakan wanita.

Nikah itu sendiri dari segi bahasa bermaksud berkumpul atau berhimpun.  Manakala dari segi syarak, ijab dan qabul menghalalkan persetubuhan di antara lelaki dan wanita dengan lafaz-lafaz yang menunjukkan nikah, menurut peraturan yang ditentukan oleh Islam.

Di dalam Surah An-Nur ayat 24:32, Allah swt berfirman yang bermaksud:

"Dan kahwinlah orang bujang (lelaki dan wanita) dari kalangan kamu,dan orang yang salih dari hamba-hamba kamu,lelaki dan wanita.  Jika mereka miskin, Allah swt akan memberikan kekayaan kepada mereka dari limpah kurnia-Nya, kerana Allah swt maha luas (rahmatNya dan limpah kurniaNya), lagi maha mengetahui".

Saya juga ingin memetik ayat 4:3 Surah An-Nisa yang bermaksud:

"...maka berkahwinlah dengan sesiapa yang kamu berkenan dari perempuan-perempuan (lain), dua, tiga atau empat.  Kemudian jika kamu bimbang tidak akan berlaku adil di antara (isteri-isteri kamu) maka (berkahwinlah dengan) seorang sahaja".

Di bulan Ramadhan ni jom kita kejar Lailatul Qadr. Mohon keberkatan dan kasih sayang dariNya.  Semoga doa-doa kita semua dimakbulkan Allah swt.  Doa Cwr agar disayangiNya dan dilindungiNya selalu.  Cwr mahukan seorang khalifah yang mampu memimpin tangan cwr menuju jannah. Haaaaa gitew! Kalau uols ada abang or uncle or kawan2 yang available, cwr sedia untuk mencuba.  Bukan cwr desperate.  Tapi jodoh ni adalah misteri Allah.  Sedangkan Khadijah pun meminang Rasulullah kan.  Cwr jauh sgt dari Khadijah.  Tapi Allah kata, minta lah, pasti akan ku beri.  Insyaallah.

Gambar hiasan:  Salah satu majlis pernikahan di Thailand.  Mungkin kerana procedure yang mudah membuatkan kaum lelaki kurang menghargai nilai pernikahan sebegini.  Yang jadi mangsa adalah wanita.

School Holiday: Floria Putrajaya

Couldn't be happier than when the kids were all home for the recent school holiday. At first, we were quite sceptical about this floral fest but hey why not lets give it a shot!

The main problem mesti lah bab nak parking kereta.  Parked quite distant kena la menapak sikit.  Beratur beli tiket dulu tapi not too long. I paid RM22+ for 3 adults and 1 kid.  It's cheap! I thought it could be more expensive.

Our photos speak for the rest of the evening.......

from the entrance lagi kami dah kejakunan!

the girls

with mr clown

Ecah in Wonderland

the girls

pony ride for RM5 per ride. siap pakai reben kat kepala bak angggg

chenta hati cwr

floria!

we're complete

dbkl's showroom

dbkl's showroom mmg the best! fefeeling frozen bak angg

fefeeling elsa

colourful

boat berhias mmg best sangat

Aisyah in Wonderland....wondering where are the candies...it's just full of beautiful flowers

colourful
 

We left around midnight. Tak sangka pulak seronok2 tgk bunga segala, on the way home we were all stranded on the highway sebab Ferrari overheated.  Tersadai lah dua tiga jam kat tepi highway tunggu tow truck datang for rescue.  Dalam hati berdoa ya Allah jangan la jadi perkara2 tak elok saspen juga sebab highway tersangat lah sunyi nya.  Alhamdulillah we arrived home safely at around 3am.  Very tired. But happy.  Most importantly we had good times together. 

Looking forward for the next Floria!

Travel: Kembara Ramadan at the concrete jungle of HongKong

I really needed a break from everything - work, home, family, KLCC, etc.  Got on the plane for a weekend trip to HK. Thanks to AirAsia for allowing everyone to fly!

ETD KLIA2 at 7:05 am and ETA HK around 11am.  My first impression was.....OMG! the airport is huge and the people is like a battalion of ants!!  First thing to do was to buy a local simcard.  The price for 5-day usage is HKD80...lebih kurang RM40...not bad for 1.5gb data and voice.  Then walked to the bus station.  Ticket price for the Citybus route A21 from the airport to Chatham Road South was HKD33 for an hour bus ride.  This is the cheapest option.  If you want to pay more, you may take taxi or train.

I stayed at a hotel named Butterfly on Prat because it is a walking distance to Kowloon Mosque.  Nama nya kembara Ramadan kannnnnn......

Nampak tak kat bantal cwr ada butterflies??? Boleh bawak balik butterfly tu buat souvenir ye.  Tapi bantal tu jangan le amik.

Maka lepas jamak solat dan tukar pakaian, cwr memulakan acara meronda Kowloon.  Alhamdulillah walaupun meredah hujan dan lopak air segala....dapat jugak la sampai ke hk harbour yg famous tu.  Mak datukkkkk punya ramai la manusia kat sini!!  Ni cwr belanja gambar sikit.

 

 

 

 

Bawah ni pula di antara food yg cwr makan sepanjang 3 hari di HK.  Tak susah nak dpt makanan halal.  Byk indian and arab restaurant.  Worst case makan je seafood or vegetarian food.



Fish Briyani

Salmon & prawn teppanyaki

beratur panjang bak angg nak beli benda ni....waffle kosong je. tapi sedap gak la.

Sepanjang 3 hari cwr kat sana, it has been raining all days and nights.  Sempat la pegi night market dalam hujan2 tu.  But most of the time either tido je dlm bilik or merayau dlm shopping malls dorang.  HK ni mmg betul la hutan batu.  Semua bangunan tinggi2.

 

 

Tapi yg pelik dan kelakar, scaffholding dorang semua pakai buluh ok!!  Walaupun utk membina bangunan berbelas tingkat!

Since it's been raining all day and night, cwr pi lah tgk movie "The Conjuring 2".  Sempat la menjerit seround dua.

The best part of the trip is my visit to Kowloon Mosque! Since the first day nak pi sana tapi tak lepas nak masuk dlm.  Penuh sarat manusia.  Masyaallah!! Sungguh tak sangka.  On the way to the airport cwr gigihkan juga nak singgah for maghrib and iftar.  Sejak lepas Asar dah dok melangut kat tangga tunggu peluang nak masuk. Alhamdulillah akhirnya berjaya juga.  Mungkinkah sebab cwr dah kurus sikit membolehkan cwr menyelitkan badan?

front view of the mosque from across the street

tempat wuduk

Masyaallah! Menangis aku tgk masjid yang sebegitu besar sangat sarat dgn umat Islam dari perbagai Negara. Jemaah wanita saja dah penuh 2 tingkat masjid.  Mostly Indonesians and Pakistanis. Few Filipinos and aku melengkapkan dgn wakil dari Malaysia.  Berhimpit dalam ruang yang terhad. Terfikir dlm fikiran dan tersebut dalam hati....I can't afford to celebrate Ramadan in Mekah and Madinah.  But here I am, masih di bumi Allah with my Muslim sisters cramping in a small space sharing some food. A journey to find myself.  A journey to find true love.  A journey to heal my heart.



Aku: Apa ni mbak?
Sister 1 (indon kerja dgn pak arab): Di arab panggil nya asida
Sister 2 (indon keje dgn tokey cina): Di Jakarta panggil nya bubur ayam
Aku: ooooo....di Malaysia panggil nya bubur lambuk.
Rindu pulak kawan2 kat Masjid Kowloon....

Juadah berbuka: mineral water, teh kotak, bubur lambuk, samosa, grapes and kurma. Alhamdulillah.

Sempat solat magrib berjemaah kat situ.  Tapi sedih tak sempat nak berterawih because I had to run to the airport.  Catch bus A21 again and for HKD39 heading back to the airport for a flight going home. The flight was delayed for a couple of hours.  I don't think I will want to come back to HK but the memories and experience are precious.

Looking forward for my next trip.

Food: Calories Cafe, Sri Hartamas

It has been a few days I've become the woman of leisure.  Driving around catching up with friends.  Nikmat sangat merayau sana sini while other people are at work.

Hari ni adalah giliran saya lunch dgn ex-colleagues.  Venue pilihan kami adalah Calories Cafe, Sri Hartamas.  Agak seram nama café ni kan :)

spaghetti carbonara pilihan asmadey dan aida

calamari pilihan saya. 

lemon cake for dessert dikongsi bersama

Muka kekenyangan.  Total lunch for 3 persons is RM88.  Food memang sedap!

Relationship: Single-Bullet Theory

According to Wikipedia, the single-bullet theory (or magic-bullet theory, as it is commonly called by its critics) was introduced by the Warren Commission in its investigation of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy to explain what happened to the bullet that struck Kennedy in the back and exited through his throat.

Michael Connelly applied this theory into relationship in his novels.  For those who are the believers of the theory say that you can fall in love and make love many times but there is only one bullet with your name etched on the side.  And if you are lucky enough to be shot with that bullet then the wound never heals.  He might had pierced you through and through.  There were other men before and other men since but the wound he left was always there.  It would not heal right.  It will keep bleeding and would always bleed for him.  There is no end of things in the heart.

However, I am sceptical, as I am with a lot of theories.  I think that it is luck of the draw, and being in the right place at the right time.  There's no such thing as the right person.  I want to believe that there is not only one person that touches us that way.  Those of us who haven't found love yet are foolish to think of such fairy tales.  It's fun to theorize, but it's also more beneficial to be realistic.  I've been in love. I've been out of love.  It's beautiful and it's hurtful.  Life goes on.


As the song goes:

First you love me and I let you in
Made me feel like I was born again
You empowered me, you made me strong
Built me up and I can do no wrong
I let down my guard, I fell into your arms
Forgot who I was, I didn't hear the alarms
Now I'm down on my knees, alone in the dark
I was blind to your game
You fired a shot in my heart.
Now that it's over, I'm gonna carry on
Lifted me up, and watched me stumble
After the heartache, I'm gonna carry on
Living for love, I'm not giving up
Not gonna stop

 

Health: Aku, fibroids dan Dr Aziz

Period pain has been my bestfriend since I was in school.  Sakitnya Tuhan je yang tau.  Alhamdulillah sejak dah beranak-pinak sakitnya makin berkurangan.  Tapi Dec 2014, I had a very unbearable pain.  Aku ni manusia yang sangat tahan lasak dan tahan sakit.  Tapi kalau dah sakit sangat tu, maknanya memang sakit sangat2.  I thought it was ok, but the following month I had the same brain-damage-period-pain.  So I decided to visit my GP, Dr Chai. 

Dr Chai tanya, "bila last buat stomach scan?"
Terkulat-kulat aku jawab, "probably when I was pregnant of my youngest child, 6 years ago"

Maka Dr Chai pun buat ultrasound kat aku.  Fefeeling pregnant la aku masa tu...berangan.

Dr Chai: Wan, you have fibroids.
Aku: Tipu.
Dr Chai: Not one. You have multiple fibroids.
Aku: (terkebil-kebil)

He printed out the ultrasound result showing the fibroids in my uterus.  There are few fibroids sizes between 3cm and 7cm.  Lama lah aku mintak nasihat dia what are available solutions yang ada utk fibroids ni.  Then he wrote a referral letter for me to see gynae.

The following week I met Dr Tan in PCMC for consultation and ready for the next step.  After my own research and giving it a long consideration, I know exactly what I want to do.  I want a permanent solution - hysterectomy.  Dr Tan confirmed that there are multiple fibroids, 3 yang besar saiz dalam 3cm ke 9cm (dah membesar dia rupanya), and many smaller ones.  Not only that, I also has endometriosis.  Tapi Dr Tan tak setuju untuk aku buat hysterectomy.  She said "You are too young to do hysterectomy.  Usually hysterectomy is for women age 40 and above.  We can try few options which can help to stop the growth".  With determination, I replied, "I am 38 and what different does it make with 40? If I don't remove everything now, I will get it again when I am 40.  I don't know if I would still be healthy and have the money by then.  I have an active life - I travel, I hike, I cycle etc. I don't want to be sick when I can actually prevent or cure it when I can, which is right now."  She insisted that we try other options such as uterine fibroid embolization (UFE) where the doctor will insert a catheter throught the groin, maneuvering it through the uterine artery and injecting the embolic agent into the arteries which will shrink the fibroids.  However, this is a temporary solution because fibroids tend to grow again.

With a recommendation from my lecturer, I made appointment to see Dato Dr Aziz (oh Dr Aziz...).  I explained that I want to go for hysterectomy, why I want to do that and I fully understood the consequences.  As a surgeon, he reminded me, "What if you meet someone, get married and want to have more kids?" Eh hang nak kawin dgn aku ka?? - ni aku tanya dalam hati je. "If he wants kids, he shouldn't marry me. As simple as that"  So kami pun tetapkan the following week for the robotic hysterectomy surgery.

Hysterectomy surgery ni ada dua jenis - conventional and open surgery (mcm caesarean nak beranak tu) dan robotic surgery.  Open surgery is cheaper dalam RM13k - RM15k and it can be fully covered by insurance.  Tapi boleh menyebabkan pendarahan yang banyak dan recovery period is longer up to 3 months.  Robotic surgery is more expensive dalam RM30k and not covered by insurance.  However, it reduces the risk of losing blood and recovery period is very quick.  External wound will heal within 2 weeks time.

12 Feb aku checked-in kat PCMC dengan persiapan mental dan physical tahap gaban. This is a life changing decision.  Aku tak setuju kalau orang kata rahim/uterus is a symbol of feminity.  Feminity is how we carry ourselves. Uterus is an organ of a woman where offspring are conceived and in which they gestate before birth; the womb.  Life goes on ladies! Preparation before surgery ni selain dari mental dan emotion, physical kena prepare gak.  Make sure pubic hair is clean shaved dan semua bulu roma halus di perut juga.  Make sure tido awal ye.

lepas check-in tu depa dok amik dara darah aku.......I hate needles!

13 Feb pagi2 lagi aku dah dibawa masuk ke OT.  Sempat lagi aku dok pakai eyeliner konon nak cantik walaupun during operation.  Tapi aku sentap bila nurse suh cuci.  Kagum aku first time masuk OT tgk semua equipment, doctors and nurses busy with the prep.  Aku rasa mcm dalam cite Grey's Anatomy!!  Masa my anaes bagi injection aku teringat J pesan masa sedut gas tu kira lah how long I could last until I became totally unconcious.  Bila depa letak gas mask kat muka, aku pun start counting...."one..................................................................."

muka sebelum surgery dan sebelum nurse suh padam eyeliner...grrrr

ni lepas surgery. baru pindah masuk ward balik.  pengsan.

around magrib camtu baru sedar.  sekali tgk ira joe ada kat sebelah.

2nd day after surgery. nurse kata kena berjalan-jalan sikit supaya keluarkan angin dari badan aka kentut.

makan tido makan tido je. tak boleh tgk tv and reading sebab sakit kepala.

makanan orang dalam pantang. ikan haruan bakar dengan sup sayur. sedap!

ada beza ke muka ada uterus dan takde uterus?

view from my window

ni la kesan jahitan robotic laparoscopic ada 4 lubang ditebuk kat perut.

ini lah rupa uterus yang telah dikeluarkan.  berbonjol sebab dalam tu meriah dgn fibroids. 

Memandangkan hanya uterus yang dikeluarkan dan fallopian tubes masih dikekalkan, I am still not menopause yet but I will not have period anymore.  That is very convenient tak payah beli pad tiap2 bulan.  Also, since I am not menopause, I don't need to take hormone injection every few months.  Alhamdulillah surgery berjalan lancar and the few days recovery seem going on very well.  I'm grateful for having Dato' Dr Abdul Aziz Yahya as my surgeon and the whole team of doctors and nurses who have been taking care of me before, during and after the surgery.  Dato' Dr Aziz has a clinic in Gleneagles Hospital and he is a gynae consultant in Prince Court Medical Centre.

I was discharged from hospital on the 5th day.  Believe me or not, I drove home!! It was still painful but bearable.  Drove slowly like 50km/hour!  I was given 2 months sick leave and I made full use of it for a very good recovery.  For the scar, I recommend dermatix ultra gel, a bit expensive but very effective.  Just finish one tube you'll see an amazing result.

The price for a 15g is about RM150.

Life has been great after the surgery.  I realised I don't get tired easily when I exercise. I enjoy outdoor activities better than ever.  I run, hike, dance, cycle, walk etc.  Do not hesitate to make any important decision in our life.  Life is beautiful.  So do we.